rate your family

A – Rate yours

1     Optimal
Power: equally shared by folks.
Control: individual differences are tolerated and celebrated.
Intimacy: each person can express full range of feelings.

2     Adequate
Power: parents work well as team.
Control: flex. can adjust rules.
Intimacy: full range most of the time.

3     Mid-level
Power: shoulds and oughts.
Control: by manipulation, guilt, intimidation.
Intimacy: [is threatening] ……

4     Borderline
Power: tyrant
Control: rigid
Intimacy: diverse thots & feelings forbidden.

5     Severely disturbed
Power: no clear authority.
Control: chaos, conflicts unresolved.
Intimacy: all collude to avoid source of pain.
[u.s. news 11/20/95]


B – Good families

  1. Communicate on serious matters.
  2. Solve quarrels.
  3. Appreciate each other.
  4. Share some play, humor, & leisure time, but not all.
  5. Have clear parental guidelines.
  6. Share responsibilities.
  7. Have unity and family traditions.
  8. Have easy interaction without factions or favorites.
  9. Have common values.
  10. Respect each other’s privacy.
  11. Perform public service.
  12. Are open to outside help when necessary.

[paraphrased from article in us news ll/28/83]

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